Guilty

April 13, 2015July 9, 2015 jogonmum24 Comments

***Disclaimer – To my darling Pink One and Blue One – if you are reading this now you are older, please don’t judge mummy too harshly, remember I love you and adore you and always will, I am only human and occasionally things just get to me. If you are ever lucky enough to have small people of your own, you may actually understand some of these points and may even appreciate mummy having written this! I only get these feeling of guilt as I care about you both so much!***

I am quite nervous about doing this post and wondering what people would think of me, is it too much to be sharing? But reading the fabulous blog of The Unmumsy Mum (give her blog a look – it’s brilliant!) – has given me the push and inspiration to do this because sometimes honesty, and just being truthful, is the best policy, and when it comes to being a mum (or dad) – we’re in this together!!!

I think I spend my entire time just feeling guilty – becoming a mum seems to have amplified this feeling a hundred fold, plus I’m Catholic so I know all about feeling guilty…

Guilty when I used to work and wasn’t around for my kids.

Guilty now I’m a stay at home mum but sometimes wish I still had a job in an office with adults! Adult talk and a hot cup of tea!

Guilty for being a shouty mummy. Never ever thought I’d be such a shouty mummy prior to having children! This has seriously taken me by surprise!

Guilty for reading the blogs and sites that will help you stop being a shouty mum in these easy steps (if I have learnt just one thing about having children is that nothing to do with them is ever easy!) but just being too bloody tired to be able to carry out the suggestions and still being shouty!

Guilty for screaming at my daughter when she’s only been back from a sleep over for less than two hours as she’s made her brother cry more in that time than he’s cried in the last two days she’s been away and telling her I wished she was still away! Feelings beyond guilty – I am such a horrible person! Who does that? Oh, me!!! She’s only five!!! Head in hands shame…

Guilty that sometimes I am so shouty on a particular day I actually give myself a sore throat! What must the neighbours think!?! Fortunately they’ve got kids too!!!

Guilty when I’ve been shouty and the small people come and hug me and say “mummy, I love you!” and not being very appreciative of the hug at that time as I am still feeling grumpy. I love you small people, always will – I sometimes just don’t like your behaviour and need a few moments to gather myself and calm down.

Guilty for losing it over the small stuff! Why did I start this? Can’t back down now, I am the parent and need to make my point…

Guilty for being on my iPhone instead of paying attention to my children. I can usually judge how ‘bad’ my day has been by the percentage of battery left on my phone!!! The lower the percentage the tougher the day!!!

Guilty for not enjoying my kids ALL the time. We’re only human and sometimes the days with a small child can feel so long and when they’re in one of ‘those’ moods, where everything you suggest isn’t good enough, it’s hard to find the joy!

Guilty for wondering at times, all be it fleetingly, when it’s been a tough day, if I should’ve become a mum which leads to more feelings of guilt as there are women out there who are desperate to be a mum and spending vast quantities of money and straining relationships to try and get this honour!

Guilty when I spend the day wishing for the kids bedtime.

Guilty once they are in bed that I’ve been so shouty at them all day and not played with them more! They look so angelic and beautiful when they’re asleep – you do wonder how you could’ve got so angry at them!

Guilty because I think sometimes my days are way harder then my husbands day at work in an office! He gets to talk to big people (who are not necessarily better behaved than small children, but that’s not the point) and not constantly discuss why chocolate buttons do not constitute as lunch – well maybe they do, just not when you’re 3!!!.

Guilty that the minute the hubby steps through the front door I pass off the kids – possibly before he’s even got his coat off – if it’s been a ‘bad’ day! Argh – That’s it – your go!!!

Guilty for wishing my kids would shut up….please!?! You wait so long to hear them say “mummy” or “daddy” for so long and then it gets relentless…!!!

Guilty for wishing my kids would go away and leave me in peace for 5 minutes! Seriously guys I can go to the loo all by myself!!!

Guilty because for a split second now and then, these beautiful people I love and made and will always love, I highly dislike them! Well actually it’s the behaviour I don’t like really…

Guilty for admitting I couldn’t have been a stay at home mum until one of my children was at primary school – so I only have one to deal with for the majority of the day! Would have been the same regardless of who was born first! It’s just seems so much easier dealing with one once you’ve got two!

Guilty as I sometimes act like a petulant child! No seriously I do, and it’s not something I am proud of! “It’s not fair!!!”

Guilty that I won’t let my kids mix the Play-Doh colours! Please don’t do it!!! *shudder*

Guilty because I wish my 5 year old or 3 year old would ‘just grow up’!!! What are you? A kid or something!?! Oh… Then realising, that though the days may go slowly the years are flying by and they’ll be all grown up before I know it! *sob* It can all be so confusing on the old emotions!

Guilty for allowing one bit of bad behaviour from my kids ruin what had probably been a lovely day up the that point and holding a grudge because they upset my rose tinted ideal! That’s it – you’ve ruined the day! *Grumble*

Guilty for making a promise to my small people that I don’t keep! We ran out of time, actually out of whatever it was, or it wasn’t on the Sky+ box like I thought, or I only really promised to have a quiet life and made sure we couldn’t carry out said promise! Oh the shame!!!

Guilty for really wanting a week off from being a parent! So I’m human…

Guilty as there are times I enjoy my studying more than playing with my kids! It doesn’t answer me back…

Guilty that I sometimes find my Blue One ‘easier’ than my Pink One! (aybe because he’s the second child or because he is a boy!?! He just seems a simpler creature to deal with! He does have his moments though!)

Guilty when I hear my horrible side coming out of my daughter’s mouth as she shouts at her brother! I cringe when I hear her and think “Oh no, that’s all me!” 😦

Guilty for constantly saying “in a minute” “wait a minute” “not just now” “give me a minute” when my kids ask for my time! They do seem to time it perfectly when I am in the middle of something like getting their lunch/dinner, making a phone call or trying to write a blog!!!

Guilty for not being the mother I think I ‘should’ be! I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, and what seems to be their amazingly well behaved children, and can only do my best, but I always feel I should be doing better!

Guilty when I feel super proud because my kids are ‘so bright’! A moment of feeling smug and then seriously guilty about it!

Guilty for not sitting down and doing more ‘arts and crafts’ with them – but I am just not very good at it! I am a control freak, and the mess just makes me twitchy! Plus, I just end up taking over as they’re just not doing it right… oh the shame…

Guilty for writing this and putting it ‘out there’! It’s been cathartic to write and hope will make one other mummy (or daddy) realise they are not alone!

If this just helps one other person feel better about themselves, gives you a laugh, makes you realise it’s not just you – least my guilt will have done some good! There are many more things I feel guilty about, but think the above is enough for one post!

I love these small people dearly and wouldn’t be without them, they really are my life, my everything, but the occasional sleepover at nanny and grandad’s is very much appreciated I can tell you!!! 😀

If I mention to anyone else that my children can misbehave, it’s met with remarks of disbelief! “But they’re such an angel, I can’t imagine it!” – as long as my children are beautifully behaved for other people, The hubby and I must be doing something right… just wish I got to see more of this amazing behaviour!!! *sigh…*

Please comment and/or share so I can alleviate some of my guilt… Please… I will even beg!!! 😜️xxx

I made this…

April 8, 2015 jogonmum4 Comments

So I can be a proud artsy fartsy creative mummy – I have actually completed something worthy of Pinterest and in this post I’ll take you through the process of how I went about making it! What I will admit before I start (which I haven’t seen on other creative/crafty posts – whether it’s because they’re just more organised than me or just don’t admit it) it took me from ordering the A2 canvas in August 2014 to planning this in September 2014 and finally producing the completed article in April 2015… only eight months… oops…

This all started because I love the song “This House” by Gary Barlow (My 5 year old has told me she thinks she’s “getting in love with Gary”, time to listen to another CD in the car I think – but I digress!!!) – I identify with the lyrics and just think it’s a beautiful song – I’d also been inspired by some canvasses my friend had done with her children – using masking tape and paint – remove the masking tape and you’ve got a beautiful canvas!

So I took the line I most liked from “This House” and planned it on an A4 piece of paper – laying it out and getting the idea of what I wanted my canvas to look like!

6th September 2014... Planning Commenced — 6th September 2014… Planning Commenced

Then placed it in the plastic bag with the canvas (ordered from Amazon, link found above) where it sat (and collected dust) until 29th March 2015 – when I finally got to work! I used 25mm width masking tape – which I split into four;

This took me about three evenings, 2/3 hours each time, whilst watching TV and sometimes faffing! I did then find that this supposedly A2 board wasn’t quite four pieces of A4 – it was slightly narrower so had to adjust my measurements – I reduced the distance between the letters, so wasn’t too bad in the end!
Initially I was going to paint the whole thing using all our handprints, but I thought this might not be enough to make the words stand out, so I then split the image into four sections and make a paler version of the colour I wanted each of our handprints to be.

Next was time to add the handprints – so started with myself and the husband! My handprints are purple and the husband’s are green. I did ours top and bottom so that they surrounded our children. Once these were dried, the next day was to add the children’s! By this point, I’d spent a lot of time and effort on this, so I was very vocal to the children that they were to only put their hand down when I told them and not to move it around so it smudged the colour (way to go mummy, removing the fun from this activity) – they were both very good! Unsurprisingly – I did the Pink Ones handprints pink and the Blue Ones handprints blue! Though the Pink One told me after she would have preferred red! I told a fib and said we didn’t have any red – she caught me out! “mummy – come here please, you said there was no red, I have checked the box and there is red…!?!” Oops…

I still find it strange that the Pink One and the Blue One’s handprints are similar in size, considering the Pink One is 2 years and 3 months older!!!
Next was the fun bit (though slightly nerve wracking after all that work) – well for me anyway – the removal of the masking tape!!!

The only annoying thing was, because I used really high quality ELC poster paint (about £1 per bottle), where bits of the paint were thicker on the handprints, as I took the masking tape off the paint flaked – but not to worry, a little touch up with some more paint and it was done!!! Yay!!!

The Final Creation!!! :-) — The Final Creation!!! 🙂

I am super chuffed with this, it may not be perfect, it may not be exactly as I imagined it, it may not quite have been the family affair I initially envisioned (yes I got a little possessive!) and the ‘A’ may not stand out as much as I would have liked, but over all it came out just great! The sentiments of the image may not seem to be in this household all the time – but this is a house filled with love… most of the time!!!

So, what’s the estimated length of time before it actually gets put up on the wall!?! Haha!!!

Any questions don’t hesitate to contact me! I would be very happy for any comments or if you’d like to share this post – it would be much appreciated!!! Share with me any of your masking tape creations – that would be fabulous to see!!! 🙂 xxx

Wriggles and Giggles!

January 28, 2015January 28, 2015 jogonmum2 Comments

I had planned to go for a run this evening, but I would’ve been on my own and it was really cold and really dark and I quite quickly persuaded myself not to go! It might be me, but it seemed darker than normal tonight!

So instead I decided to involve the kids – literally, they were my gym equipment!

I had little people back lifts and little people air lifts – with increasing weights, starting with the Blue One and then finishing with the Pink One.

Back Lifts

Air Lifts

They thought this was hilarious and thoroughly enjoyed mummy lifting them up and down! I have to say it was one of my harder workouts – far tougher then a jog, especially as my gym equipment have minds of their owns! I think I pulled something! ;-P

Lots of fun and laughter was had so that can never be a bad thing.

Probably some Wii Fit for tomorrow – but we’ll see, only three days left to go!

😊 xxx

Anything can be exercise… It can…!!!

January 23, 2015January 23, 2015 jogonmumLeave a comment

Going out this evening so today I’m making all my everyday activities into exercise so we’ve had the walk to school including the book bag dash! This being, we’d been walking for 2 minutes when I asked the Pink One “Where’s your book bag?” and was met with “Oh no, I forgot it!” in a dramatic voice for good measure – fortunately one of the other school mummy’s was walking passed and watched them when I legged it back home in double quick time to collect the book bag!

Next was the Big Shop – which was obviously double exercise as I had the Blue One in tow! This included some weight lifting in the shape of lifting my son into and out of the trolley numerous times and then carrying a bag that had 3x2litre bottles of milk, 2x875ml Persil small and mighty bottles and 1X1.9litre bottle of fabric conditioner!!! Definitely heavy!!! Hardcore shopping!!! Haha!!!

Then there was the walk to collect the Pink One from school, which was a longer walk then usual as I took a slightly different route as I walked with friends whose kids are at a different school!

See – I can make exercise out of anything!!! 😉 Happy Janathon Day 23 everyone!!!

😊️xxx

…”No, I’m the other sister…!!!”

October 27, 2014November 1, 2014 jogonmum1 Comment

A bit of an update!

Jog on Mum

Just to set the scene – I am the baby of four children. I have two older brothers and one older sister – you note how I’m telling you now I am the youngest as my sister and I often get “which one of you is older?” – never good for my pride!!! 😛

I’m sure I’ll discuss my wonderful brothers in future blogs, but in this I would like to introduce my amazing sister Sarah King.

My Big Sister!

Between my sister and I, I am the organised one and the one who creates fabulous spreadsheets in Excel (so exciting, I know!). I have a pretty good ability for drawing but my sister’s drawing ability is exceptional and puts mine in the shade – and this is only the start of it!

My sister is one ridiculously talented cake maker – when I say this you can’t possibly…

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The Pink One is Growing Up!

September 7, 2014September 12, 2014 jogonmum4 Comments

Well this has taken me by surprise, as I knew my Pink One was so ready for school, is that maybe I wasn’t!

I love my Pink One so very much, but have to admit that at times I do find her very difficult, not because she’s extremely naughty or has tantrums, but like most four years olds she doesn’t listen, answers back, upsets her little brother and basically drives me to distraction!

As she is five in October she is one of the older ones in her year and so I know she is ready to start and in true Pink One’s style when she started her first day in Reception on Friday, and this is a full day – no gradual build up, she walked into school with her new class without a backwards glance. That’s when I welled up and the tears I weren’t expecting came!

She may annoy me, drive me mad, make me yell – but at the same time she amazes me so much. If I could be as half as brave as her in life, not let things phase me like her, take whatever life throws me and just get on with it – I would be a much better person.

I pray that as she grows up she keeps these amazing traits as they will help her all through her life, and she will go far. Maybe she can teach me to be more like her – and I’ll try and remember theses things when she’s irritating me!

So as I type this, tomorrow is the first day of her first full week, and again the unexpected anxiety has got me, you’d think I was going to school, (shouldn’t surprise me as I have been diagnosed with a General Anxiety Disorder) but I was so ready for her to go to school and have that energy channelled I didn’t realise maybe I wasn’t ready to let her go!

Love you Pink One, I probably don’t say it enough but you make me a very proud mummy – go be amazing! 🙂 xxx

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