I’m not 100% sure what’s triggered me feeling like this today – I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by sharing it on my blog, but if just one other person reads this and feels just the slightest relief that they’re not the only one who has flat days then I think it’s worth it!
That’s the best descriptive word to cover my mood today – just flat – it’s one of those days where doing anything takes an exorbitant amount of effort (including writing this), so considering how much I had to do today made it exhausting. Plastering a smile on your face and pretending you’re fine – when in fact colours look muted, nothing holds your interest, noisy crowds are overwhelming and in reality all you want to be is safely at home! Just ‘meh’, feeling sad and lonely, even with people around. Read More »
So very excitingly the other day the Joe Browns Spring catalogue appeared on my door mat! This is always a pleasant sight as you know that I have a love for all things Joe Browns. So obviously I thought the best thing to do would be to share a wish list with my lovely readers of all my favourite items… ok that would be the whole catalogue …so I’ve whittled it down to a more restrained list! Also doing this makes me feel cheerful – Joe Browns clothes never fail to put a smile on my face. Let’s hope my family see this (and are feeling generous… ;-P)
Loving all the detailing on this gorgeous jacket – this would totally dress up a lovely pair of skinny jeans and a plain top. Great for mild spring days, that are a bit nippy first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Can imagine wearing this for a shopping trip or at lunch with the girls, but would be equally at home for an evening at the pub! (not that I get to do that often – instead this would be showcased on the school run!) Read More »
By this I mean we did lots of ducking and diving, not that I tried to get out of it! As if I would, my Boxercise is my weekly sanity lifeline – this is one of things that really helps with my anxiety! Multiple benefits of exercise, not being able to think of anything else and possibly the fun of getting to hit things!!! A good stress reliever!
So for the warm up, there were slow jabs to one side, then fast jabs, then repeated on the other side. Skipping, skipping from one side to the other. A skip back, then skip forward touch the ground – this needed coordination which I seem to be slightly lacking in! High legs jogging on the spot and various other things – whew, we were well and truly warmed up!Read More »
I did something today that I found really scary – no I didn’t parachute out of an aeroplane or bungee jump off a bridge – I opened up about my anxiety and shared my deepest darkest fear publicly on social media!
Now in doing this I seriously suffered further anxiety, worried that people would think I was doing this to just get attention and have people say nice things about me and I can assure you this couldn’t be further from the truth!
Outwardly I am a confident and chatty person but I’ve always been a worrier – even as a kid I wondered if people liked me. When I saw the wonderful charity Mind doing their Take Off the Tape campaign today I knew I had to take part. We need to get people talking about their anxiety and not holding it in, it’s absolutely draining and exhausting (I speak from experience) – initially I thought I would put I get anxious about “Failing”, “Not being good enough” or “Affecting my kids with my anxiety” amongst about another 100 thoughts and then thought I do actually share that part of my anxiety with people, I am quite open that I am an anxious person, but what I rarely mention is that I am constantly thinking; “Do I annoy people?”, “What do people think about me?”, “Have I offended them by saying x, y and z” – boiling down to “Do people really like me?”.
It took me an hour to post the image – I was flushing and feeling so hot and terrified as I pressed post on Instagram and my true inner feelings were shared across Facebook (including my Blog page) and Twitter as well! What I couldn’t have foreseen is the generous outpouring of support and lovely comments from my wonderful friends – I cannot thank you all enough, really I can’t! It means more to me than you can ever realise!
Everyday is a constant battle with these negative thoughts – One example being, you send someone a message on Facebook and you can see that they’ve read it, but they don’t reply and hours and even maybe a couple of days have gone past – logically you know it’s probably a case of they’ve opened it, been busy and thought I’ll read that later and forgotten, or they’ve written a reply and just haven’t hit send (things I’ve done myself) but that small voice in your head says “you’ve offended them”, “you’re just being annoying”, “They don’t like you” and you know in your heart of hearts it’s silly (and to be honest, and not in a horrible way – they probably don’t give you that much thought) but that’s the issue with anxiety – it isn’t logical, it’s all consuming and tiring! This is just one example of the hundreds of thoughts I have all day everyday. Some days are better and you do wonder how you can get so bogged down by your own thoughts, but it creeps up on you and suddenly you’re in floods of tears and you have no clue what to do!
Which is why I am very lucky I have such a wonderful supportive family, who though don’t always understand why my mind does what it does they are always there for me especially my hubby. Also a network of great friends (who, yes I do worry whether they really like me or not!) some of them who are also anxiety sufferers.
Then there is Mind who’s work and support to people like me is just invaluable, I have used them, the counselling sessions were so good, and I would go back to them again and I want to thank them and back them so that they can continue to help more people.
Join in the conversation – here’s how..
Anxiety is shit! It really is! It makes you feel out of control, like you’re losing your mind, completely alone, like you can’t cope and that you’re a failure! It can make just stepping outside and talking with people the hardest thing. Let’s show our support for Mind and make a big noise on social media – Don’t be silenced – we can help each other know that we’re not alone and we can beat this!
What makes you anxious? – Feel free to share, comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org – I know how you feel and am very happy to listen! Don’t be alone and Don’t be silenced! #TakeOffTheTape – http://www.mind.org.uk/tape xxx
Firstly, I obviously have to mention world book day – my two went as Harry Potter and Hermione Granger! They looked so cute! I made an effort and put 10 plaits in the Pink Ones hair so that when we took them out she had the bushy hair Hermione is known for. They were so excited, they have been counting down the days until they could wear their costumes to school!
So after drop off, I met my friend Rachael back at my house as I was going swimming! As you may have read in one of my previous posts, it’s a new years resolution of mine to learn to swim – well since then I’ve managed only one session with Rachael and then it all went a bit manic with assignments, half term and poorly kids! So it’s been about a month (maybe more) and I have to admit I was more nervous this time than on the first.
The part of the pool we used last time had a fitness session going on. Then we were told there was going to be a school class so we’d have to move down. For a few moments I thought it meant our whole session was going to be in the section of the pool where I couldn’t touch the bottom and my anxiety went into overdrive – I admit I even cried, but fortunately we had a good section of the pool and I was able to touch the bottom – so took a deep breath and we got working.
Rachael really helped me with my breaststroke technique, working on my leg kick, making sure I completed the cycle and squeezed my legs to get the full propulsion through the water, even doing some work with a float. The trying to get the process right…
Pull, Breath, Kick, Glide
Definitely easier said than done – but I will be chanting this mantra until my body does it automatically! The majority of this was completed with head out of the water, as I’d misplaced my goggles, so I was wearing my hubby’s and the left eye kept filling with water! Most annoying! I have subsequently located my ones!
I did monkey down to the deep end, but no matter how logical I was and how much I spoke it through with Rachael – I could not let go of the edge and glide or swim. I got so nervous at one point I actually got cramp in my foot!!!
This pathological fear of the deep end and going through the water under my own steam without panicking is exhausting. So I didn’t manage it this time, which is disappointing, but my swimming is getting stronger (and Rachael assures me I can swim), so, and I said it out loud to Rachael that on our next session I would start in the deep end! I may regret saying this next week, but this problem is literally an argument with my own head! I will conquer it and I just appreciate Rachael being so calm and patient with me!
Once home, I did my usual studies – both Technologies in Practice and some Maths.
Then I was off to my Boxercise class! The session was amazing, but seriously tough! We were doing Boxercise to the Beat (named after my previous blog post!). For our warm up we were bouncing to the beat in southpaw and then two jabs, two hooks – repeated a few times, then some squats, punches to the floor, then back to bouncing, two jabs, two hooks, two uppers and two lower uppers. Then we bounced into the orthodox position and did the same.
Next, pads and gloves on, in southpaw we had to bounce in time with our partner and the beat, jabbing for five, high leg lifts for five, until Michelle called out and then we had to do 10 jabs and 10 high leg lifts, finally 15 of each. In between swapping to orthodox, we had to do some squats and punches to the floor ,then repeating the whole interval. Then we had to swap pads/gloves. The constant moving was intense, it was brutal.
We then had some floor work, 15 curl ups and 15 leg reaches, some of us were then skipping, while others were doing one leg stands from the benches, this was repeated three times. The we had to do 15 push ups and now those of us that been skipping had to do try and do the one leg stands – they were really hard (and I was starting to feel the swimming from the morning) – one of the ladies worked out it was easier to do if you crossed your leg over the top of the one you were standing up on. Again repeated three times. Finally, again repeated three times, we did a 30 second plank followed by 30 seconds of high leg running.
So glad for the cool down that’s for sure! If you want to come along to a session – find all the details at Michelle’s Facebook page for Foxlee Fitness. I think I may be feeling all this exercise over the next few days! Hopefully it’s doing me go!!! haha!!!
So how do you deal with anxiety or facing a fear? I’d love to know! 🙂 xxx
I shared a photo of my hand on Instagram
My image was spotted by Jessica, who has a site devoted to hands, and she asked my if she could put my image on her site. Which I said yes to! Go and take a look at Pretty Hands – it’s really interesting – find out if your hands are small or bigger than average for your height! Different measurements for men and women. Mine are bigger – I have the average hand size for a female who is 5’10″/5’11” and I am 5’8″Read More »