Guilty

09qXpgmommy-blog-kids-online-mom-ecards-someecards***Disclaimer – To my darling Pink One and Blue One – if you are reading this now you are older, please don’t judge mummy too harshly, remember I love you and adore you and always will, I am only human and occasionally things just get to me.  If you are ever lucky enough to have small people of your own, you may actually understand some of these points and may even appreciate mummy having written this! I only get these feeling of guilt as I care about you both so much!*** 

I am quite nervous about doing this post and wondering what people would think of me, is it too much to be sharing? But reading the fabulous blog of The Unmumsy Mum (give her blog a look – it’s brilliant!) – has given me the push and inspiration to do this because sometimes honesty, and just being truthful, is the best policy, and when it comes to being a mum (or dad) – we’re in this together!!!

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I think I spend my entire time just feeling guilty – becoming a mum seems to have amplified this feeling a hundred fold, plus I’m Catholic so I know all about feeling guilty…

Guilty when I used to work and wasn’t around for my kids.

Guilty now I’m a stay at home mum but sometimes wish I still had a job in an office with adults! Adult talk and a hot cup of tea! 

Guilty for being a shouty mummy.  Never ever thought I’d be such a shouty mummy prior to having children! This has seriously taken me by surprise!

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Guilty for reading the blogs and sites that will help you stop being a shouty mum in these easy steps (if I have learnt just one thing about having children is that nothing to do with them is ever easy!) but just being too bloody tired to be able to carry out the suggestions and still being shouty!

Guilty for screaming at my daughter when she’s only been back from a sleep over for less than two hours as she’s made her brother cry more in that time than he’s cried in the last two days she’s been away and telling her I wished she was still away! Feelings beyond guilty – I am such a horrible person! Who does that? Oh, me!!! She’s only five!!! Head in hands shame…

Guilty that sometimes I am so shouty on a particular day I actually give myself a sore throat! What must the neighbours think!?! Fortunately they’ve got kids too!!!

Guilty when I’ve been shouty and the small people come and hug me and say “mummy, I love you!” and not being very appreciative of the hug at that time as I am still feeling grumpy. I love you small people, always will – I sometimes just don’t like your behaviour and need a few moments to gather myself and calm down.

Guilty for losing it over the small stuff! Why did I start this? Can’t back down now, I am the parent and need to make my point…

Guilty for being on my iPhone instead of paying attention to my children. I can usually judge how ‘bad’ my day has been by the percentage of battery left on my phone!!! The lower the percentage the tougher the day!!!

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Guilty for not enjoying my kids ALL the time.  We’re only human and sometimes the days with a small child can feel so long and when they’re in one of ‘those’ moods, where everything you suggest isn’t good enough, it’s hard to find the joy!

Guilty for wondering at times, all be it fleetingly, when it’s been a tough day, if I should’ve become a mum which leads to more feelings of guilt as there are women out there who are desperate to be a mum and spending vast quantities of money and straining relationships to try and get this honour!

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Guilty when I spend the day wishing for the kids bedtime.

Guilty once they are in bed that I’ve been so shouty at them all day and not played with them more! They look so angelic and beautiful when they’re asleep – you do wonder how you could’ve got so angry at them!

Guilty because I think sometimes my days are way harder then my husbands day at work in an office! He gets to talk to big people (who are not necessarily better behaved than small children, but that’s not the point) and not constantly discuss why chocolate buttons do not constitute as lunch – well maybe they do, just not when you’re 3!!!.

Guilty that the minute the hubby steps through the front door I pass off the kids – possibly before he’s even got his coat off – if it’s been a ‘bad’ day! Argh – That’s it – your go!!!

Guilty for wishing my kids would shut up….please!?! You wait so long to hear them say “mummy” or “daddy” for so long and then it gets relentless…!!!

Guilty for wishing my kids would go away and leave me in peace for 5 minutes! Seriously guys I can go to the loo all by myself!!!

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Guilty because for a split second now and then, these beautiful people I love and made and will always love, I highly dislike them! Well actually it’s the behaviour I don’t like really…

Guilty for admitting I couldn’t have been a stay at home mum until one of my children was at primary school – so I only have one to deal with for the majority of the day! Would have been the same regardless of who was born first! It’s just seems so much easier dealing with one once you’ve got two!

Guilty as I sometimes act like a petulant child! No seriously I do, and it’s not something I am proud of! “It’s not fair!!!”

Guilty that I won’t let my kids mix the Play-Doh colours! Please don’t do it!!! *shudder*

Guilty because I wish my 5 year old or 3 year old would ‘just grow up’!!! What are you? A kid or something!?! Oh… Then realising, that though the days may go slowly the years are flying by and they’ll be all grown up before I know it! *sob* It can all be so confusing on the old emotions!

Guilty for allowing one bit of bad behaviour from my kids ruin what had probably been a lovely day up the that point and holding a grudge because they upset my rose tinted ideal! That’s it – you’ve ruined the day! *Grumble*

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Guilty for making a promise to my small people that I don’t keep! We ran out of time, actually out of whatever it was, or it wasn’t on the Sky+ box like I thought, or I only really promised to have a quiet life and made sure we couldn’t carry out said promise! Oh the shame!!!

Guilty for really wanting a week off from being a parent! So I’m human…

Guilty as there are times I enjoy my studying more than playing with my kids! It doesn’t answer me back…

Guilty that I sometimes find my Blue One ‘easier’ than my Pink One! (aybe because he’s the second child or because he is a boy!?! He just seems a simpler creature to deal with! He does have his moments though!)

Guilty when I hear my horrible side coming out of my daughter’s  mouth as she shouts at her brother! I cringe when I hear her and think “Oh no, that’s all me!” 😦

Guilty for constantly saying “in a minute” “wait a minute” “not just now” “give me a minute” when my kids ask for my time! They do seem to time it perfectly when I am in the middle of something like getting their lunch/dinner, making a phone call or trying to write a blog!!!

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Guilty for not being the mother I think I ‘should’ be! I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, and what seems to be their amazingly well behaved children, and can only do my best, but I always feel I should be doing better!

Guilty when I feel super proud because my kids are ‘so bright’! A moment of feeling smug and then seriously guilty about it!

Guilty for not sitting down and doing more ‘arts and crafts’ with them – but I am just not very good at it! I am a control freak, and the mess just makes me twitchy! Plus, I just end up taking over as they’re just not doing it right… oh the shame…

Guilty for writing this and putting it ‘out there’! It’s been cathartic to write and hope will make one other mummy (or daddy) realise they are not alone!

If this just helps one other person feel better about themselves, gives you a laugh, makes you realise it’s not just you – least my guilt will have done some good!  There are many more things I feel guilty about, but think the above is enough for one post!

I love these small people dearly and wouldn’t be without them, they really are my life, my everything, but the occasional sleepover at nanny and grandad’s is very much appreciated I can tell you!!! 😀

If I mention to anyone else that my children can misbehave, it’s met with remarks of disbelief! “But they’re such an angel, I can’t imagine it!” – as long as my children are beautifully behaved for other people, The hubby and I must be doing something right… just wish I got to see more of this amazing behaviour!!! *sigh…*

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Please comment and/or share so I can alleviate some of my guilt… Please… I will even beg!!! 😜️xxx

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24 thoughts on “Guilty

    • It’s just not right is it!?! Who wants gross brown coloured play-doh! Because that’s all you end up with one they’re mixed! One Christmas my daughter actually said to me “I’m playing play-doh with daddy as he lets me mix the colours!” Haha!!! Thanks for reading and commenting – I really appreciate it!!! 😊xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Enjoyed reading that Geraldine. Could’ve been describing myself on lots of points! The ‘what will the neighbours think, fortunately they have kids’ line made me chuckle x

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  2. Love the honesty of this post. I especially understand the wanting five minutes to yourself. I feel guilty for wanting the bathroom to myself, and for wanting a shower without having to sing children’s songs to buy myself enough time to wash my hair!

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    • So true! The minute I step in the bathroom I hear “mummy, mummy where are you?”
      Don’t feel guilty – all mummy’s need some time to themselves, happy mummies make for happy kiddies! 😊xxx

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  3. I’ve this. I have a 7, 5 and 3 year old (girl, boy, girl) and I related to every single paragraph. It doesn’t mean we don’t have amazing days. But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one 🙂
    And I really REALLY relate to the play dough and arts and crafts paragraphs. Kids just make a mess and don’t do it right! And it makes me twitch and my skin crawl when I find craft items have dared to fall off the edge of the table. (Or at times even the edge of the paper). So that made me smile 🙂

    Keep up the good work! I’m at the OU atm. It’s a juggling act! You’re doing fab x

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    • Oh thank you – what a lovely reply! I know what you mean – we have some magical days, but unfortunately it’s the tough days that stick in the mind! Wow, 3 kids and doing the OU – way to go you! You’re doing amazingly too! Still not sure I’ve quite got the balance right, but kids smile most of the time, so some of what me and the hubby do must be ok!!! It is just so lovely to know we’re not alone!!!😊xxx

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  4. This is really a well written blog, i never usually take the time to respond to, however as I picked up my phone to calm down from very negative behaviour of one pink 7 year old). This blog made me realise that I am not alone and the fact my neighbour heard me shouting at the 7 year old is just life for most parents. I write this while trying not to feel guilty at sending her to bed way too early – to think about her behaviour which caused me to shout!

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    • Oh thank you so much, your comment means so much to me, and I’m so glad this post came to you at a time when you needed it! All I wanted is the make one other person realise they are not alone and at the same time make myself feel better too and I’ve achieved that!!! Thank you!!! 😊xxx

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  5. I love this so so much that I had to
    Read it twice. This is me!! I’m constantly feeling guilty! I love them
    So much – they are the best. But honestly, their voices drive me insane!!
    The constant talking… (2 girls)…the consent arguing! I dream of bedtimes,
    Which STILL, yes, STILL, involve sagas.
    And they are 10 & 12. Just how long does it go on for!???
    And then guilt for the fairy houses we never made – that they now don’t want to and the Sylvanian houses I never got around to setting up properly and now they’re not interested!!
    I’m sure the guilt is going to continue into the future. Just good to hear others are guilty too. Thank you xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad you like it – this is exactly why I shared it! Receiving comments like this is so lovely – thank you for writing it! I’m so happy it’s helps you – I think the things we feel guilty about just change as they get older isn’t it!?! Just good to know we’re not alone! Big hugs to you and thank you again! 😊xxx

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  6. I recognise so many of these! I brought my kids up with the knowledge that I hate lies and liars, and then had to explain the difference between lies and when things are out of someone’s control. “You promised we’d go to the park! You lied” “No, there has been a storm and the park is under 6ft of water, we’re not going and it’s not my fault!” lol

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  7. Phew, it looks like I’m not the terrible, crazy mummy that I seem to be so often these days! My next door neighbour and I often give each other “the nod” and “the smile” when we hear sounds of chaos echoing through the walls… her daughter is 10, mine are 5 and 2. It’s all fun and games over here! 😉

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    • That nod or smile of understanding from another parent – it’s so appreciated isn’t it!? You’re definitely not a crazy, terrible mum – just a completely normal one!!! 😊👍🏻 thank you for reading my post and taking time to comment, I really appreciate it! 😄xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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