Firstly Happy New Year – Hope you had fun bringing in the new year! The Hubby and I saw the new year in watching Deadpool 2 and then the fireworks on TV! In bed by 12:20am! Rock ‘n’ roll!
So, like a lot of my blog posts, this started life as an Instagram caption but got rather lengthy so it graduated to being my first (unplanned) blog post of 2019! Woo!
I downloaded my Best Nine Instagram posts of 2018, ready for that to be my first Instagram post of 2019 (it’ll now be the second instead) wishing everyone Happy New Year but what struck me was that the posts that did the best were those that were open, honest, communication from me – either sharing a truth about me and my anxiety, celebrating a success or just showing gratitude!
Anxiety is always there.
It doesn’t solely define who you are,
but it will always be a part of who you are.
You learn to cope.
You learn to deal with it.
You realise you are not alone.
You connect with people.
You eat well.
You feel happy.
You feel joy.
You suddenly start to believe you won’t feel like THAT again.
Life seems so much better.
Being that I have a diagnosed General Anxiety Disorder to say I have fears is an understatement – I have way too many to count!!! It’s exhausting I can tell you.
Due to Janathon, and being bitten by the exercise bug with my running, boxercise class and I have even bought weights, I got into my head to face one of those fears and that would be swimming!
My friend who is a swimming teacher kindly said she’d go with me and help me.
I was so nervous, you see I am ok in the water as long as I can touch the bottom. Having watched my two children flourish at their swimming lessons, and we made sure that they were deep water lessons, I thought I needed to be as brave as my children – which is what I am trying to do!
It was tough, my stomach was in knots the night before. I am not sure you can truly understand the affect of anxiety unless you are a sufferer – but my anxiety levels were very high, but I was excited too. My dream is to be able to swim lengths is something I would love to crack in 2016.
My friend was very patient and encouraging, she even managed to persuade me to the deep end, which did take lots of deep breaths and trying to find an inner strength – whilst I clung to the edge like a limpet. Eventually getting me to let go and touch the bottom with my feet and come back up and also do a star float on my front for a few seconds, still not quite brave enough to try and float on my back.
Really working on my breaststroke – need to improve my technique, trying to alternate arm strokes and kicking my legs, whilst also working out my breathing. I can swim 15 metres and then it’s at that point I can no longer touch the bottom and panic sets in, I tense every muscle in my body (I seriously ache this evening)! It’s really tough, but I have taken the first steps and I feel rather proud even if I do say so myself.
The fact I managed to get myself running, which when I first started I could barely run for a minute after which it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and now I regularly run 5 to 6km makes me realise that with perseverance and practice I can do this…
Thank you Janathon for getting me doing this and my wonderful friend putting up with me and my nervous energy! Hopefully I’ll carry on and succeed and one day feel confident in the water, all being well going back next week! 🙂 xxx